“A friend demands too much for his help. I’m not ready for this “

We have been friends for 2.5 years, although he is too simple a person. Often provides assistance, but, it seems to me, it manipulates with her help. Each time I feel that after that he believes – I must communicate with him and constantly be in touch. More than once spoke to him on this topic, but does not really help.

Each time it happens something like this: I explain that I do not have enough time to conduct active correspondence, he assures that he understood everything, but after a few hours the situation is repeated, he writes again and writes. Moreover, he asks questions that do not require an answer, and repeats them, but in different forms. Why he does this, but I feel guilty?

Nadezhda, ask your friend directly why he does it. Depending on his answer, draw conclusions. If you constantly feel guilty in a similar situation, perhaps your friend will manipulate you, and quite consciously. Or maybe he has a violation of attachment and he almost physically hurts when close people are not in touch around the clock. We can only guess the true causes.

But are these reasons so important if the situation as a whole gives you discomfort? You write that a friend provides you with help. Is this help worth to feel guilty later? Are you ready to refuse her so that communication with him brings joy?

You have repeatedly told him – you are not satisfied that communication is charged with you. And a person refuses to hear you. Most likely, he will not change his behavior. Therefore, you will have to decide how to get out of the situation.

You agree to communication in the format that does not suit you, then you are annoyed for yourself not to do what you want

The softest way is to stop asking him for help. So that you have no thoughts that you must pay for this help. Perhaps then it will become easier for you to tell him “no”.

Although you have every right not to be in touch around the clock and not to meet him at the first request. And there is no need to explain either to him or to himself, what is the reason: in a lack of time, effort or desire. You can just communicate with people as you are comfortable. They, for their part, make a decision whether to agree to this communication or not.

This is what you are doing now – you agree to communication in the format that does not suit you, then you are annoyed for yourself not to do what you want.

In life, you will encounter this many times like this: people will try to make

you agree to what they need, and not you. The sooner you learn to protect your internal boundaries, the less they will have a chance of “success”, and the healthier your psyche will be healthy.

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